I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
