Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
