i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
