you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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