i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
