She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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