I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
