Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Someone came in the potted fern
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
