I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
