Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
