is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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