hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
