Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
