It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
