Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
