I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
