hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You took a bar mat shot.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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