why didn't you poke me back
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
