it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
