I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
