I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
