I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My dick has a subreddit
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
