I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
