I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
my poor anus
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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