Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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