I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
