why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
