God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
