awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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