I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
