she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You are a genius and a whore.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
