Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
