i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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