My balls are so social today.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
