also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
