ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
a search helicopter?!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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