.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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