i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
