why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
