We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
