I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
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I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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