You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
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Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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