so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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