They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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