On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
