You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
