Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
