You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
