u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
