I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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