can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So squirting runs in the family.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
