New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
