friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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