I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
