She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This is the high leading the old right now
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
