they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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