i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
