Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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