The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am available for nakedness
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
