This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
