thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
