Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
