My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
