so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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