did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You don't make any sense
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