If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
