saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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