The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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