apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
