Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
