Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I look better un-naked...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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