She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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