Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
