god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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