you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
