Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
