Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
