I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
