They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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