tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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